Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We left the knife in your bed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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