After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
