Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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