the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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