Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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