Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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