I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
