I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
