chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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