He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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