in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Shame - the story of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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