A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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