My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
