Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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