It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Oh god it's open bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
