You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
