I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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