he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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