you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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