I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
