How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
