Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
