Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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