So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
