I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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