So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
