I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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