did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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