I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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