Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
True strength comes from lack of pants
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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