Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
