Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
