You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
