Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
