I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have aggressive nipples.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
