If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
