What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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