I want to have your abortion
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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