I look better un-naked...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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