i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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