We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
