My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
