Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
