Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
