if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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