i permit you to call me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize