I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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