Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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