my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
zippers are such a cool invention
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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