it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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