the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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