Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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