you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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