5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
