i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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