I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
