I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
