when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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