i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
