but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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