There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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