Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
