i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.