Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.