So how was he last night?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap