I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.