You smell like stripper and shame
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?