Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles

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  (412): i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles http://tfl.nu/39eh
  Replies (19) Good night (4423) Bad night (618)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

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  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (7119) Bad night (1455)
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  (619): View more from California

  We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.

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  (619): We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed. http://tfl.nu/uy5s
  Replies (8) Good night (3692) Bad night (1017)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.

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  (480): The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee. http://tfl.nu/mp6b
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (1746)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just puked in my drinking hat.

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  (708): Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending! (207): I just puked in my drinking hat. http://tfl.nu/2gwn
  Replies (1) Good night (2097) Bad night (939)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.

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  (781): She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug. http://tfl.nu/2oj9
  Replies (11) Good night (2831) Bad night (1530)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?

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  (910): I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/00z1
  Replies (10) Good night (2479) Bad night (1300)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.

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  (416): There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist. http://tfl.nu/x1kf
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (1151)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"

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  (248): My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues" http://tfl.nu/nel0
  Replies (5) Good night (975) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?

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  (817): How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf? http://tfl.nu/6kzv
  Replies (6) Good night (1382) Bad night (596)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.

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  (832): Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL. http://tfl.nu/25yr
  Replies (3) Good night (1763) Bad night (513)
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  (510): View more from California

  how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?

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  (510): how many people can say they bit their tattoo off? http://tfl.nu/3vcv
  Replies (4) Good night (383) Bad night (1568)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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  (561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis. http://tfl.nu/4w11
  Replies (6) Good night (416) Bad night (1185)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!

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  (337): And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir! http://tfl.nu/0uwq
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?

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  (215): What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"? http://tfl.nu/jmdv
  Replies (18) Good night (314) Bad night (594)

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