Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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