Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's great music for shaving your balls
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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