maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
