i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
