and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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