I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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