There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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