i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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