just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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