I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
