here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
