In the future we'll all be gay
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
