Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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