i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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