I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
zippers are such a cool invention
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
