do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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